The Stuffed Lion, HeWitch and Ichigo's Wardrobe
by Bakunawa
Summary: 100 years of winter is almost over... hopefully. just crack
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: We do not own Bleach and the Chronicles of Narnia and any characters in cased therein. They belong to Tite Kubo and C.S. Lewis, respectively.

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**The Stuffed Lion, The He-Witch and Ichigo's Wardrobe**

**Prologue – A PIECE OF NARNIA**

_By: Bakunawa_

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Kurosaki Ichigo was peeved. No, he wasn't just peeved. He was _very_ peeved.

Which wasn't much of a difference since with any type of emotion, his ever-present scowl still remained. But still… he was peeved, annoyed and confused, by the piece of useless… junk (yes, that was the word he was looking for to describe the thing he was holding) Urahara gave to him.

What was it anyway?

The item that the oh-so-benevolent ex-captain happily shoved to his hand resembled that of a small horn-like musical instrument. It had a smaller hole on one end, which he believed must be the mouth piece. it was curving up slightly to a wider hole at another end. It wasn't so large, barely reaching the length of his forearm from end to end, but it was white all over; ivory from the looks of it… not that Ichigo could have recognized ivory from blackboard chalk, but he still would like to believe that this piece of shit is carved from something very pricey. The carving on the wider end, he could also say, was… and he shudders to use such word, _exquisite_. It very much resembles that of a roaring lion, with fangs protruding at the opening and all.

"What is that?" a female voice spoke from across his room. Kuchiki Rukia was inside his closet once again; the door slid halfway open so only her upper torso was visible.

"Why do you always prefer staying in my closet when you're already bunking with my sisters?" Ichigo said tersely without even looking at her.

"I like it here," she answered, "besides… wouldn't want to waste all the renovations I made in here."

"_Renovations_?" Ichigo was a little surprised.

"Waterbed, flat-screen, DVD player, mini-frig, etc~" she began listing stuffs that could not possibly been inside that tiny little closet. Was she kidding? Curiosity overtook Ichigo as he padded over to her, sliding the door with much force than he intended.

"Holy… shit," was all he could say.

She wasn't kidding with the flat-screen television hovering over the ceiling of the closet, nor was she making up the mini-cooler either. And was that a PS3?

Mabye that wasn't all he wanted to say. "HOW DID YOU GET ALL THAT IN THERE?!"

"Quiet, moron!" Her leg came up to bash the side of his face, sending him reeling back. "Do you want people come running up here?" she hissed.

She was right. Wouldn't want his paternal unit come bolting in his room tonight. Ichigo tried to calm himself down.

But failed utterly the next second.

The white ivory horn was sent flying to the midget's face.

"Hey!" Rukia reflexively swiped the object away. She was about to fight back but the door was slammed closed with a bang, almost decapitating her head was she not fast enough. Rukia tried forcedly opening the door again, but found Ichigo holding it shut from the other side.

Curses, insults and threats of castration were exchanged through the thin sheet of wood before all went quiet. Rukia gave the door another kick before she settled herself under the sheets, the waterbed beneath her swayed comfortably. Something was prodding her leg though. She reached under and pulled it out. Under the dim luminescence of her Chappy the Rabbit head lamp, she found an ivory lion horn.

What was this? Did the carrot-top idiot suddenly become a musical enthusiast?

Without much thought, she brought the small end to her lips and blew.

It gave a low empty sound. Must be broken, she rationalized. And threw it at the end of the cramped space, just beside the DVD player and PS3. yeah, she was small enough to fit those in with her.

She turned off her lamp and shifted to her side. Tonight she would sleep this off and dream of revenge. Tomorrow, Ichigo would be dead.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: We do not own Bleach and the Chronicles of Narnia and any characters in cased therein. They belong to Tite Kubo and C.S. Lewis, respectively.

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**The Stuffed Lion, The He-Witch and Ichigo's Wardrobe**

**Chapter One – RUKIA IN ICHIGO'S WARDROBE**

_By: Bakunawa_

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Everything was so white. So peaceful. So tranquil.

And then she heard it: the small twinkle of a laughter. She turned around, catching a silhouette passing quickly from the corner of her eye. The tiny laughter rang again, like Christmas bells beckoning her.

"Rukia-chan~"

And there she was, appearing before the brunette shinigami… like as small fluffy angel of Rabbit-ness.

"Chappy…" Rukia said breathlessly.

"Ne, Rukia-chan," it said with her tiny pink lips, "play with me?"

Chappy turned and skipped her way, little pink paws carrying her away. Rukia gave chase a moment later, laughing with the cute white rabbit of her dreams. Flowers of soft blue, yellow, violet, creamy red and pristine white opened their loving faces as the passed them by. The sun was smiling brightly down at the pair as the laughed and ran around.

"Chappy~" Rukia called with giddiness of a girl a hundred years younger than her actual age. Her cheeks were flushed with her adoring emotion and her arms were outstretched for the object of such love. She wanted to reach for her, she wanted to hold her. She was just so near and yet so far…

SMACK!

"Ahh!"

Something very cold and very wet landed right on her face. She had screamed and tried to claw it out of her face. She cursed for her hands met a patch of… shredded ice?

She looked around and had to gap. What she had expected to see was a closed, almost-claustrophobic space that was Ichigo's closet—filled with what-nots that she installed. This was the interior of that closet she temporarily found solace. Instead of hard wooden doors on one side and the concrete wall on the other, Rukia was surrounded by pine trees… snow-coated pine trees at that.

"Snow…?" Rukia asked, sitting up. Why would there be snow in the middle of April?

She had settled on the fact that she was not in Ichigo's closet anymore. But where was she? It didn't feel like the material world, nor did it look like Soul Society or Hueco Mundo for that matter. And it wasn't the otherworldly plane of existence that her Zanpakuto resided in either.

Was she still dreaming? If so, where was Chappy? Or has this become a nightmare?

Another patch of compacted snow fell from the branches and landed on her head and shoulder. She brushed it off. When that fact of snow surrounding her and falling on her head snail-crawled to her stunned brain, the unseated shinigami of the 13th Division slowly realized that she was getting cold.

No, this could not be a dream, as surreal as it all seemed. In dreams, she couldn't be feeling this cold. She tugged the quilt that somehow stayed with her person closer to her body. She realized that the water bed was still beneath her too but important things—like her cellphone to contact people for help amongst other things—were not.

"Ichigo!?" she cried the first person came to mind. He was with her, or that is, he was in the same room with her. "Ichigo!"

No Ichigo came.

Did he do this? Was this some sort of prank he cooked up—dumping her in some god-forsaken frozen place while she was unconscious? No. Kurosaki Ichigo was many things but an idiot who played underhanded games as… _this_.

So who? Ichigo's father? The twins? No, Isshin-san was a lunatic but he'd rather smother Rukia with his 'fatherly love' than ploy a prank on her. And the twins couldn't possible think of it for the life of them either.

So who? And how?

"Calm yourself…" she muttered breathlessly. Her heart was becoming erratic the longer she stayed here. She had to act now. If she was alone in this frozen wasteland, it would not do good to just wait until she froze to death eventually. She had to find someone for help or better yet the way home.

Wrapping the quilt over and around her shoulders tightly, she stepped out of the waterbed. "Shit…" she cursed soundly the instant her naked foot stepped into a finely deep layer of snow. Her second feet stepped out as well and she bit another curse. It was like a thousand tiny daggers ripping her skin apart. The ice was fucking painful! Rukia was now uncertain if the gigai she was currently residing in could handle frostbites.

Rukia decided to walk on a straight path. If there were any people within the vicinity, she would most likely cross paths with them if she were to head straight. Surely she would find any form of civilization that way. And soon. She was already losing sensation from her feet and a few more hours, they'd practically fall off piece by pi…

BOINK!

"Ow! What the bloody—" Rukia paused for the utter surprise that literally hit her in the face.

Right in the center of the wintry nowhere was a tall frost-covered yet glowing…

Bunsen burner inside a glass case on top of a pole?

"This is very queer..." she murmured.

Okay… so here was a little fire burner on top of a pole. Well, it looked like a civilized object, more than anything. So drawing from that observation she would induce the thought that there could be more of these somewhere and would conclude that where there are a civilized objects there bound to be civilized people very close by. She would just need to find them then… before she became a lovely popsicle.

There was a shift in the air all of a sudden. Only one with acute senses, a soldier's senses, could identify this. There was someone or something near. It was swift… and it was coming nearer.

By years of training and muscle memory, Rukia body broke into an alert fighting stance—legs apart giving her a steady center of gravity and arms ready.

She was all too aware of her surroundings now. Her hearing picked up the heavy hasty steps of…

"AHHHHHHHH!!!"


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: We do not own Bleach and the Chronicles of Narnia and any characters in cased therein. They belong to Tite Kubo and C.S. Lewis, respectively.

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**The Stuffed Lion, The He-Witch and Ichigo's Wardrobe**

**Chapter Two – WHAT RUKIA FOUND THERE**

_By: Bakunawa_

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"AHHHHHHHH!" Rukia screamed.

"AHHHHHHHH!" that thing screamed too.

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"..ah."

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"..."

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"hmmmm..."

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"ehhhh..."

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"iiiiihhhhh..."

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"ohhhhhh..."

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"uhhhhh..."

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"okay, stop! Stop! Stop it!" Rukia held up her hands.

The creature breathed out, exhausted. "oh, thank goodness," he exhaled, clutching his chest, "another bout and I would have expelled my insides all over you."

Rukia agreed. It would do her no good if this being suddenly exploded in front of her. It wouldn't be a pretty sight.

_And he talks!_ Rukia mentally cried in shock, albeit belatedly. She wasn't sure if he had any form of _human_ verbal communication, half afraid she would have to speak goat just to get her point across.

Slowly the... thing gathered up what he had dropped. Rukia, out of years of discipline and etiquette, bent over to pick up a brown package. Her eyes, though, never left the being's form. He was more than a little fidgety.

"were you hiding from me?" Rukia asked.

"huh, n-n-no... I-I didn't want to scare you." He answered.

"what are you?" she asked instead, handing the brown package. He took it from her gently.

"what am...what am i?" he sounded surprised, as if Rukia had asked the most idiotic question. As if she had never encounter someone like him before.

It was honestly true, the little shinigami had never seen anything like him in her dear long life. He (as he looked male enough) was only a little taller than Rukia herself and he carried over his head an umbrella, white with snow. From the waist upward he was like a man, but his legs were shaped like a goat's, all hairy and shaggy black, and instead of fleshy feet he had goats' hoofs. And was that a tail neatly caught up over his arm? He had a red wooly scarf around his neck but aside from that he was with no other piece of clothing. He had a strange yet pleasant little face with a short pointed goatee and curly hair. Out of the hair stuck out two little horns on each side of his forehead.

"why, I'm a faun!"

"a what?"

"a faun. And you must be some beardless dwarf?"

a vein popped. Audibly.

"I... am not a dwarf. I'm a girl."

His eyes went wide.

"but you're saying, you're a daughter of Eve?"

Rukia was caught a little off. She shook her head. "well, I don't know my mother. From where I came from... uh, we're not, um, _necessarily_ born." How do you explain to a half-goat that you're practically dead and without memory of you're previous life? Basically she _had been_ birthed by some woman. She _had been_ a daughter to somebody once upon a time. But she died at a very young age, probably popping out of nowhere in Soul Society. So no, she was not necessarily born. She was... just dead.

The creature just looked at her incredulously. "yes... but are you, in fact, human."

Close. But not really. "you can say the least," Rukia said vaguely.

"what are you doing here?"

"well, I was asleep in a wardrobe in somebody's room and..." she shrugged, "I have no idea why I came about here."

"sumbuddies oom? Is that in Narnia?"

"Narnia? What's that?"

"My dear girl, you're in it! Everything from the lamp post," he said, pointing at the burning burner on a pole, "all the way to castle Cair Paravel on the Eastern Sea, every stick and stone, every icicle... is Narnia."

It was Rukia's turn to look at him as if he was an idiot. He probably was. "are you sure you're not an arrancar?"

"a what?"

"... nevermind. So you're _faun_."

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_to be continued..._

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_thank you all for reviewing! loving it!_

_-Bakunawa_


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